29 Funny Birthday Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Out Loud

Since the dawn of time, humans have celebrated their birthdays. However, everyone celebrates birthdays differently. Some people throw a big birthday party with balloons, cake, and lots of birthday presents. On the other hand, some people prefer a more low-key event with loved ones. Perhaps they don’t even celebrate at all. Regardless, birthday wishes are part of everyone’s special day. Of course, there’s more than one way to wish a loved one or best friend a happy birthday. The best way is with funny birthday quotes.

These funny birthday quotes are the perfect way to wish someone a happy birthday. They’re funny but also filled with wisdom. Indeed, some of the funniest and brightest minds have dropped birthday knowledge that’ll make that special day amazing. These wise and funny birthday messages will help make the upcoming years so much easier. If they don’t, at least it’ll be good for a laugh. These truly are the funniest birthday quotes.

29 Funny Birthday Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Out Loud

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1. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball

Lucille Ball is a comedy legend best known for starring in the iconic sitcom I Love Lucy. Ball’s quote is a funny way to wish someone a happy birthday. It’s also good advice. Everyone’s always trying to look young with plastic surgery and botox. However, Ball’s advice is to eat well and be happy. Honestly, lying about your age is the easiest way to stay young.

2. “You know you’ve aged when you read events you lived in a history book.” – Will Ferrell

Iconic comedian Will Ferrell isn’t just one of the funniest actors of all time. He’s also one of the wisest. Indeed, his birthday quote is funny, accurate, and an excellent way to send birthday wishes. Reading about historical events that feel like they just happened is the first sign of aging.

3. “Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” – Truman Capote

Nothing says happy birthday like a Truman Capote quote. Of course, this quote might seem a bit dark for a birthday wish. However, it’s a blunt quote that gets to the heart of the matter. Life is a struggle that can have a bad ending. Perhaps it’s possible to do a re-write?

4. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’” – Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld’s quote is painfully accurate. Getting older is an inevitable part of life. Of course, most people are in denial and try to act young. Well, until that birthday cake shows up. The birthday candles on a cake start decreasing around age 40. At least there’s still cake.

5. “The older you get, the better you get, unless you are a banana.” – Betty White

Betty White’s great birthday quote is really the perfect way to say happy birthday. It’s a funny quote but hidden beneath it is a true statement. Getting older isn’t bad. A lot of things are better the older they get. Unfortunately, bananas will never have that experience.

6. “Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” – Mary Schmich

There isn’t a person in the world that hasn’t lied about their age at one point. It’s just part of growing up. Of course, the best way to stay young is to celebrate your favorite birthday for the rest of your life. For instance, Mary Schmich will be 28 forever. Now that’s a happy birthday message.

7. “You’re not 40, you’re 18 with 22 years experience.” – Unknown

Here’s a quote that’s perfect for a greeting card. It’s the best way to send out birthday wishes. It’s also very practical advice. Wishing a loved one or a friend a happy birthday with this funny quote will certainly brighten their day.

8. “Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.” – Chris Hardwick

TV host Chris Hardwick’s quote probably wouldn’t fit on a birthday cake. It might be better suited for a birthday greeting. Regardless, Hardwick’s funny birthday quote offers excellent advice. The older people get, the easier it becomes to forget little details. Keeping a playlist for each year is a perfect way to remember songs. It’s not just for teenage girls anymore.

9. “Don’t think of it as turning [insert age]. We’re here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your [insert age -10]th birthday” – Unknown

It’s always nice to uplift a best friend on their birthday, especially the older they get. Most people freak out as they get older. This quote offers a practical solution to feeling old. Simply insert the friend’s age into the quote and then subtract ten years. Indeed, it’s the friendliest way to say “Happy Birthday.”

10. “Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” – Jim Gaffigan

Comedian Jim Gaffigan’s funny birthday quote is the ideal way to wish a loved one a happy birthday. It’s a funny birthday message but also a true statement. Birthday candles in a cake are a tradition worldwide. Candles anywhere else mean someone consumed too much alcohol.

11. “The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde was a brilliant playwright and poet in the late 1800s. Indeed, Wilde’s genius quotes transcend time. For instance, this funny and insightful birthday quote is more relevant today than ever.

12. “Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” – Unknown

Here’s a funny birthday quote everyone wants to hear on their birthday. Cake and birthday gifts are staples of that special day. Perhaps nature wants us to get older so we can all have more cake. Honestly, any reason to eat cake is a good reason.

13. “Middle age is when your age begins to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope

One of the first signs of aging is when the body starts to change. Suddenly, hair starts falling out, and it’s impossible to fit in your favorite jeans. Legendary comedian Bob Hope’s quote is the perfect way to wish a loved one a happy birthday. It’s funny, accurate, and fits on a cake.

14. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” – Ogden Nash

Poet Ogden Nash’s quote makes an excellent birthday message. Indeed, it would work on a birthday card or cake. People often mature the older they get. However, it’s important to stay young at heart. Being immature from time to time will make life a lot easier.

15. “Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.” – Jennifer Yane

Young people often envision their life playing out a certain way. Of course, life rarely works out the way everyone wants. This quote perfectly captures the feeling of birthdays. Many people spend the day trying to figure out where they went wrong.

16. “I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I’m returning the favor. Happy Birthday!” – Unknown

Here’s a creative way to send happy birthday wishes to a friend without spending any money. A cake and birthday card are crucial on that special day. However, they’re not guaranteed, and some years you’ll be lucky to hear “Happy Birthday.”

17. “Eventually, you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers

The icon Will Rogers has many famous quotes. However, this quote is the best type of birthday wish. Getting older is like a badge of honor. Indeed, anyone who makes it into their 90s has accomplished something extraordinary. Undoubtedly, making it to the triple digits is a rare accomplishment few get to experience.

18. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom

Norman Wisdom’s funny quote is perfect for birthday wishes on a card. For some people, it’s tough to accept growing older. However, it’s a part of life nobody can avoid. Old age usually comes with aches and pains, hair loss, and of course, memory loss.

19. “Looking 50 is great – if you’re 60.” – Joan Rivers

Turning 50 is one of the toughest birthdays to get through. However, feeling great and looking good is much more important than a random number. Legendary comedian Joan Rivers is absolutely correct in her quote. Once a person hits 60, they’ll blush when someone thinks they’re 50.

20. “Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who’s smart, funny, and good-looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.” – Unknown Good/Smart Child

Here’s a great happy birthday message to send to mom or dad on their special day. Indeed, parents spend lots of money on birthday gifts, cakes, and parties over the years. At some point, kids got to start paying their parents back. A simple birthday card with this quote wishing them a happy birthday is a good start.

21. “Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on, and everybody rushes to get a piece?” – Bobby Kelton

It can be tough to write the perfect birthday messages on a card. Indeed, there’s a ton of pressure to write something funny, insightful, and sweet. Bobby Kelton’s funny birthday quote accomplishes one of those goals. It makes for a funny birthday wish to send to a best friend or loved one.

22. “I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” – George Burns

Iconic comedian George Burns lived to be 100 years old. Therefore, everyone should take his advice. For instance, in this funny birthday quote, he’s both witty and right. Parents teach their kids to respect their elders. However, at the age of 100, there aren’t many elders left.

23. “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” – Robert Frost

Robert Frost’s quote is advice that every husband and boyfriend should take. Of course, it’s important to remember every loved one’s birthday. Frost is absolutely correct that sending birthday wishes is enough to make anyone’s birthday unforgettable. According to Frost, don’t forget the wife’s birthday and never mention her age.

24. “I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” – Phyllis Diller

There was a time in life when it was easy to stay up late and party all night. Eventually, it becomes tougher to stay up past 10 pm. Indeed, Phyllis Diller understands better than anyone the feeling of getting older. Of course, she was 95 years old at the time of her passing. Clearly, a few of her birthday wishes came true.

25. “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Jack Benny

Comedian Jack Benny was the type of person that embraced getting older. Indeed, the older people get, the more accepting they are of old age. Of course, age doesn’t have to hold a person back from feeling young. There are lots of funny birthday wishes out there. However, Benny’s quote is funny and sound advice.

26. “The first hundred years are the hardest.” – Wilson Mizner

Only a handful of people ever get to celebrate their 100th birthday. They’re genuinely lucky to get happy birthday wishes for a hundred years. That’s a fantastic accomplishment. As Mizner’s quote points out, life can be challenging for the first hundred years. Honestly, even the first 20 years are tough. Of course, it just goes downhill from there.

27. “Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” – Dave Barry

At a time in history, living to the age of 20 was considered a miracle. As Dave Barry points out, humans can now live longer due to groundbreaking discoveries in medicine and soda pop. Indeed, Diet Coke truly changed the world forever. Regardless, most people still lie about their age. Thousands of birthday wishes come true each year, allowing people to celebrate their 40th birthday over and over.

28. “From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.” – Sophie Tucker

Here’s a good birthday wish for a mother, sister, or wife. Sophie Tucker was one of the funniest TV personalities of her era. She didn’t censor herself and would express her opinions on several topics before it was common. Her quote is perfect on so many levels. Interestingly enough, she doesn’t mention marriage or romance in her quote.

29. “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” – Eubie Blake

Some people choose to eat healthily and stay active. On the other hand, some people party all night, consume as much alcohol as possible and cap off the evening with fast food. However, Eubie Blake wisely points out the risks involved. Indeed, health gets tougher to manage the older a person gets.