Vikki Wall opens up on ‘grieving process’ of missing out on Olympic selection
She’s had a few weeks now to come to terms with the heartbreak of missing out on selection for Paris, and while the pain is still very much raw, Wall is keen to keep things in perspective.
This time last year, when she made the switch from Aussie Rules to rugby following a successful Gaelic football career, Wall knew she was in a race against time to make up significant ground in her quest to become an Olympian.
As a two-time All-Ireland SFC winner with Meath, and having seamlessly adapted to the demands of the AFLW, Wall had high expectations of herself, but in the end, the clock ran out.
“I was aware of the position I was in in terms of how much of a challenge it was going to be, but look, I always back myself,” she reflects.
“I have definitely been leaning on friends and family over the last few weeks and just feeling the feelings, not trying to hide away from them. But it’s also about compartmentalising it and understanding that sport is obviously bigger than one person and how good it is that the team is going to the Olympics – it’s such an achievement.
“I had to get straight back to training after selection, so it was easier to put it on hold, but it’s definitely a process of grieving and dealing with it.
“You’re doing things in the background, just to check in on your own mental health and well-being to make sure you’re keeping yourself on the right track, as well as going to training and making sure the team is going off in the best place possible.
“I don’t know if I have had any past experiences that I could draw on to this extent. The day of selection, I knew that even if things had gone well, I didn’t want to be around a lot of people, so I had a plan in place to go and see friends and family.”
Wall was part of the Ireland side that claimed a historic first World Series title in Perth back in January, but that was as good as it got in terms of her sevens aspirations, which are not finished just yet.
“The expectations I have of myself, you are trying to nurture that to drive you on, but also not letting it be to the detriment of you,” the 26-year-old Dunboyne native continues.
“There were definitely times throughout the year when you’re not getting chosen, you look at the bigger picture and question yourself, but I knew why I was there and what my purpose was.
Vikki Wall sat down with some students at St. Peter’s Dunboyne to discuss the unique challenges she has encountered as an elite athlete who has transitioned across several sporting codes in the new Tackle Your Feelings content series.
“If I had to go back and do the whole year knowing that I wouldn’t have made it, I would do it, just knowing what I’ve gotten from the year.
“I just wanted to make sure I impacted the group in the most positive way possible. If I could bring something like opinions from seeing how people do things in different sports, training standards, and even for myself, seeing how a different sport does things.
“So, I wouldn’t say I felt a pressure as in, ‘I have to make the Olympics or it’s a failure of a year.’ I wouldn’t say that was ever a feeling I had.”
Wall will return to North Melbourne in the coming weeks to resume her Aussie Rules career, but she has not given up on her time in the Ireland sevens programme, which she will rejoin in December.
As for the Meath footballers, hopes of a comeback continue to be put on hold.
“Look, I would never say never,” Wall smiles. “Meath football was always the céad grá. It’s a massive part of who I am and it obviously weighs on me a lot when I’m not involved in it and can’t be involved with the way the seasons have evolved.”
For now, it’s all about making the most out of what is sure to be an emotional trip to Paris this weekend.
“I don’t know how I will feel, to be open and honest with you,” Wall says.
“I think the overwhelming feeling will be pride. You can put your own things to the side to understand how big of a deal this is for the whole team. Obviously it would be abnormal to not have a bit of want in you to be out there because you have been part of it, but the overriding feeling is pure pride for the team and how much it took for them to get there.
“I’m sure it will be difficult at times watching the games, but I have to be able to look at it from a wider angle,” she concludes.