Top 10 French people who are going to shit their CDM, we saw the future and it’s ugly

A World Cup, even logically decried like this edition, is always a special moment. French players and the public who love football have been waiting for it for 4 years. Sure, it’s off to a good start. But yet some of them are going to screw up this World Cup in broad outline. A little overview of these November losers (and a bit of December)

1. Karim Benzema, obviously

The 2002 Golden Ball arrived injured at the World Cup, which reminded us of Zidane’s thigh in 2002. He forced himself to be present in the round of 16 against Argentina and got a new injury by touching his first ball.

Credibility index: 3000 %

2. Olivier Giroud

Olivier Giroud is first and foremost a super sub in the France team in the matches that matter. And when Karim is injured and we call on him to accompany Mbappé, the good Giroud first scores 2 goals to equal Henry and then crashes in the main lines for our greatest despair. Now that he’s made history, he’s coming right out of it.

Credibility index: 78%

3. Dede’s cat

We have too often reduced the expertise of Didier Deschamps to incredible luck in the draw or during competitions, the famous Dédé cat. But after 10 years, the cat has suffered a serious slack. His team is decimated by more or less official injuries and the good Didier persists in thinking that it will pass, as usual. The France team is beaten in 8th against Argentina. DD abandons her pussy at Hamad International Airport in Doha like a vulgar like an average Frenchman in the summer.

Credibility Index: 63%

4. Bernard, supporter lambda

Bernard loves football, but for once the World Cup will go very badly at home. When it takes place in the summer, normally therefore, Bernard managed to warn his family that they would not see him for 4 weeks, he bought the Panini album for his children to multiply the signs, took a football break a few weeks before. With a CDM in November, everyone is taken aback: Bernard was still imposing the Ligue 1 matches a few days before, he is now watching the World Cup in the living room with the sound on full blast while the kids have school the next day, offers to have a barbecue as usual in the middle of December. A complete failure. A World Cup requires specific preparation.

Credibility Index: 99%

5. David, a confirmed boycotter

David had warned that the World Cup would not go through him. Qatar and its disgusting values ​​he could “put it in the ass of your competition” (sic). Yes but here it is, France exploded during the first 3 games and turns out to be indeed the big favorite of the competition. So David still does not turn on his TV to stay true to his convictions, but tries to get invited, casually, to football evenings with friends, or decides to go for a drink in a bar that shows matches , by the merest chance. He will even buy a jersey for the French team for the final, made in Bangladesh by workers paid one dollar a day. Pulled the David.

Credibility Index: 92%

6. Ousmane Dembele

For a long time, we laughed at the professionalism of the Barcelona player, his multiple delays. Yes, but since he became a dad, everything had changed, the Barcelona staff affirmed it. Ousmane therefore arrives in the French team inflated with confidence. After 2 successful matches, he misses from the 3rd match match by forgetting the time of convocation because of an epic game of Football Manager until late at night, finally early in the morning. Dembelé is fired from the group on November 30.

Credibility Index: 34%

7. Adrien Rabiot’s mother

It has often been said that it takes up a lot, even too much space. She and her son Adrien claimed the opposite. However. Annoyed that her son did not start in the 3rd match in the absence of Pogba and Kanté, she forced the locker room doors just before the confrontation, slapped Didier Deschamps, claiming that her son had never been so humiliated, and took him by the hand while vociferating “COME ADRIEN WE’RE GOING”as she had already done on Sébastien’s birthday when Adrien was 9 years old.

Credibility Index: 98%

8. Kylian Mbappe

Kylian wants to be world champion again. And golden ball. And top scorer in the World Cup. And Secretary General of the UN before his 30th birthday. So Kylian makes too much of it, way too much, to the point of asking FIFA if he can play the last 5 minutes of each match on his own. This is the breaking point with the group asking him through a letter read by Captain Lloris “to stop pissing us off with his personal stats and go play tennis, an individual sport more suited to his exceptional physical qualities”.

Credibility Index: 50%

9. Benjamin Pavard

Simply because he was selected and the boulevards he leaves on the right of the defenses are visible to everyone, even those who boycott the matches. Need we say more?

Credibility index: 22 %

10. Jordan Bardella, closely followed by Nadine Morano. And Eric Ciotti.

Freshly elected head of the National Rally, Jordan (honestly can we make an effort on the first names please) wants to break with the Le Pens by being the first president of the far-right party not bearing this name of family. Good idea on paper. Except that Jordan falls back into the same Lepenist ways after the draw against Tunisia, saying that this failure is not surprising given the number of blacks in the France team. Undoubtedly a discreet tribute to Georges Frèche and his famous “I am ashamed for this country. Soon there will be eleven blacks” in 2006. Nadine Morano approves at Pascal Praud and Eric Ciotti, more discreet, retweete.

Credibility index: 100%