When you are not a parent yourself, there may be a whole section of their language that escapes you at first sight. And then, when you look closer, you still don’t understand! It’s normal, these are sentences whose meaning only reaches us when we enter this strange, not at all select club that is parenthood. But don’t panic, we’ll explain everything to you.
1. “Careful, Timothy, I’m going to get angry”
So, besides the fact that when the relative of the said Timothy is already shouting when he utters this threat, it is difficult to understand the interest. What is the relevance of warning that we are going to get angry – when in addition we have already been shouting for 5 minutes? On the other hand, you will never hear them warn: “Attention, Agathe, I am going to give you a hug, there! »
2. The wonderful, the famous, the unbeatable: “I count to 3”
How come this thing works, seriously? One would have thought that the first time something unmentionable happened at the end of the countdown that made the child want to taste the punishment again. But no. No need. It’s just a magic trick. We would so love to be able to do the same thing by showing up in the management office to get a raise. Watch out, Mr. Bertin, I’m counting to 3…
3. Sentences where all the words are spelled out to establish a coded language
It’s good when the co-parent isn’t illiterate because at the risk of looking like service killjoys, TETINES, it takes a fucking S, damn it! It’s already complicated enough to watch your spelling when you write, is it really worth adding problems of plural and agreement of the past participle in the oral?
4. Bi-Coded Language Sentences: Speaking English
It is still necessary that the two protagonists of the conversation have the same level… And then well, as long as your kid is in a super mega hype crèche, we are not safe if he speaks better English than you actually and he rushes straight to the cupboard where you stashed the candy you wanted to sneak off tonight.
5. “A spoonful for mom…”
But finally, when can we think that this thing works? All the kids have to say to each other is, “If you want my spoonful of spinach, I’ll leave it to you, huh.” “. Which is the polite version of “Do you know where you can put your spoon?” “. Anyway, if your child doesn’t want to eat, it’s never a good idea to force him.
6. Parents’ dialogues with their baby that look more like a monologue in disguise
Be careful, we are not saying that as long as the baby does not speak the same language as us, he does not understand us and is not able to express himself. Simply, we can see the parents who take advantage of it a little too much to talk to themselves and attribute to their infant intentions that he does not have. Guys, otherwise therapy is great too. And the advantage is that you won’t have to change the shrink’s diaper.
7. “You gave him his bib?” and other dubious abbreviations
So for novices, the bib is the bottle, huh. We might be found a little harsh. It’s true, what, if at some point, it’s a word we use all the time, we have the right to abbreviate it if we want? Certainly, but this is the beginning of the stampede. If we start to tolerate “bib”, we quickly find ourselves taking his “temp” if he hasn’t had a “cac” for 2 days. Do we really want to bring the start-up nation into the world of parenthood and early childhood, frankly?
8. Parents who call each other “dad” and “mom” to each other even when their children are away
Just NO. A big NO. We don’t even want to allude to your dubious evening erotic games. Or your unresolved Oedipus complexes. We are even ready to tolerate “Mamour” or “Chaton” if you want but please, if your children are not there, call yourself as you would have done before their birth. We assure you that the little person who still hides in you under the parent cap will appreciate it.
9. “Ask Your Mom”
Okay so we’re going to stick to a somewhat traditional pattern for the validity of our example, but we believe that his mother is your girl, boy. And even that the three of you form, as it were, a family. So don’t try to act like it’s none of your business, huh. Especially if it’s to call her “Mom” as soon as the two of you are finally alone. NOOONNNN, we said we didn’t want to know!
10. “I’ll give you a good reason to cry”
Yes because we make jokes, all that all that but everyone is well aware that ordinary educational violence such as spanking or slapping has been punished by law since 2019? Come on, everyone breathe, of course our patience is being tested and it is human to lose patience. But it will be better after a little bib!
Of course, we said all that but we don’t judge anyone, huh. Because as everyone suspected, we include ourselves in the lot of this funny language. And you, what are the sentences of parents that seem to you the most absurd?