You won’t have missed it, the month of July is in full swing and some lucky little guys are even already on vacation But we can’t help but have a thought for all these women who are condemned to give birth in July. Because yes, this is the worst thing that could happen to you and we weigh our words.
1. You are likely to give birth on July 14
And that’s not terrible for a serene childbirth: you imagined yourself immersed in a bathtub, in natural mode, with a little background music and instead you hear firecrackers in all directions that do not put you but then not at all in the mood. Not to mention that being born on the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille, we don’t know why but we feel that it doesn’t bode well for the future teenage crisis that hangs in your face.
2. You have a 60% chance of giving birth to Cancer.
They are undoubtedly very good people. Finally, do we really want our little piece of love to be associated for the rest of his life with a being incapable of moving other than laterally? No, frankly, a lobster or crab, well, we would have thought that was chic, but crab is no.
3. You are going to give birth in the middle of the World Cup or during the Euro
Very bad idea. It’s a blow that the co-parent who leaves to declare the child changes the first name in secret and calls your son Kylian. And throughout your stay at the maternity ward you will hear her sing: “Bring the baby homeoooooo, come on mamaaan, come on! »
4. It will force your offspring to use the word “Julyist”
Every summer it’s the same thing, we are bathed in with the waltz of the Juilletists which gives way to the Aoutiens. And you should position yourself between the two as if it were something that characterized you as deeply as the use of the word “chocolatine” vs “pain au chocolat”. We don’t care that you’re rather Augustin Jerome.
5. You will give birth in the middle of a tour of France
It’s true what, who would want to miss this little summer pleasure of standing in the middle of a dodger for hours to see who knows how many hunks go by for a few seconds in tight-fitting outfits? Not to mention the always amazing spectacle of the pimpin who comes to stand in the middle of the road to take a photo of the yellow jersey, almost knocking it down. Well ok, we grant you, on this one, giving birth in July might be the only good excuse to escape all that.
6. You will miss wedding season.
And frankly, a summer without marriage is like a teenager without acne, it’s nice but it lacks relief. And let’s admit that you still manage to squat a wedding just before giving birth: without champagne or foie gras or smoked salmon or a real presence on the dancefloor, frankly, what’s the point? Not to mention that even before he was born, you will have used all the money from your kid’s A savings account to buy yourself a special ceremony pregnancy dress that you will still have very little chance of putting back…
7. Your child may have the same birthday as Léa Seydoux
Do we really need to argue, honestly?
8. Have you ever been told giving birth in June sucks?
Yes, if I promise you we told you here. Why don’t you listen to us after a while?
9. You will miss barbecue season.
Imagine the smell of the grill, the very fresh tabbouleh that accompanies your meat on your plate. Tomatoes, potatoes and eggplants that are perfectly cooked. You’re about to hit it when suddenly haunting bawls take you out of your mini moment of euphoria. Your baby needs you. Still. And when you come back to sit down, everything will be soft and cold and odorless. And your child will have been admitted to the university he had requested on Parcoursup – because apparently this thing will have survived him.
10. You will miss out on the best harvests of the year.
Well yeah, we just told you: zucchini, tomatoes, cucumbers… Summer is really the best season to enjoy it. But you’ll be too tired to cook anything and the divine little zucchini / rice / tomato gratin that your better half used to cook for you will be relegated to the rank of childhood memories, right next to this period of your life where, you remember, you had an unlimited card to go to the movies. RIP
Well we know that in reality, you don’t really have a choice and you will give birth when the little creature in your body has decided that it wants to come out. So be brave for this ordeal that awaits you, know that we are with you. Well, not really because technically, we are obviously on vacation, like any self-respecting person. But the heart is there.