1. Your tree is ready from October 15 and stays with you until March 15
At the same time, it’s not your fault that life is better with a Christmas tree at home. Besides, you spent 17 straight hours untangling and assembling those damn fairy lights to match your snow globes and Christmas stockings. It would be stupid not to take advantage of it anyway…
2. You’re still writing your letter to Santa Claus (even though you’re 30)
Even though you stopped cutting toys out of catalogs and sticking them on your list last year, you still know Santa’s address by heart (in Lapland, of course, because reindeer need to graze, which which is not possible at the North Pole). We don’t judge you, but still a little bit.
3. You’re the only person who’s happy about shopping on December 24th.
In addition you have already made your gifts, but you like to come for the atmosphere. How good it is to stroll among all these people filled with the spirit of Christmas a few hours before New Year’s Eve. Can’t smell that cinnamon smell mixed with frozen pine and sweat?
4. You have a “Christmas Songs” playlist with more than 500 songs
You also have a saxophone version of “Last Christmas” and you can sing backwards with foie gras in your mouth “Petit papa Noël” by Tino Rossi. Besides, you’ve already said to yourself that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to import Christmas choirs from the United States that go from house to house.
5. You cry for a week when your city removes the light decorations
It was your only source of joy when you went out at 8 in the morning and it was still dark. Now you only have your eyes to cry. Why cruel world, WHY?????
6. You go to Strasbourg every year to go to the Christmas market
For your 25th birthday, your friends offered you a tour of Germany and you spent a month eating pretzels and buying wooden necklaces in every Christmas market in the country. Yes, it was you who revived the tourism economy.
7. You are the only person around you to give a present to all your friends and your third cousin
Not that you love them deeply, but you just had some great ideas for stuff to give them and it would have been a waste not to use them. And if in addition, you can pass for an extremely generous person and receive good gifts in return on your birthday, you do not spit on it.
8. You make a list with all the Christmas TV movies so you don’t miss any
You’ve already watched Love Actually 50 times and even watched Maman j’ai missed l’avion 2. You’ve also already burned DVDs so you never forget that M6 Christmas movie that made you cry on December 7 2005. Now they’re all on your Netflix list.
9. You have already applied to play a Santa Claus in a shopping center
Unfortunately, you failed because you’re under 60, hate milk and cookies, and have skin that’s too sensitive to handle the irritation of a fake beard. Try something on the fake reindeer side perhaps?
10. You never forget to open your advent calendars
We say “yours” because you have about ten of them: three with chocolates, two with good cheese from all the French regions, two others with little soaps, one with socks, another with sex toys and one with Friends goodies, because you still haven’t picked up. The day you wanted to buy an advent calendar for your dog, your loved ones cried out.