For a successful summer, you need: holidays near the beach, a few days of sweltering heat, evenings hanging out on the terrace and a good music festival with friends. Regulars of festivals do not venture there at random, they know full well which place is the most suitable for them, but do not necessarily realize that they become walking clichés for 3 days and 3 nights.
1. If you go to Les Vieilles Charrues
Why are you going: To drink lukewarm beer at the campsite from 10 a.m., installed under your gazebo on your folding chair
How do you dress : Leclerc and Bob Cochonou t-shirt with a cup holder around the neck to hold your pint
Your main activity on site: Brandish your Breton flag as long as possible and roll cigarettes with strangers
2. If you go to Solidays or Lollapalooza
Why are you going: To cover you in glitter and dot red paint around your eyes
How do you dress : Denim shorts, a colorful bandana and an off-white t-shirt that you’re obviously going to get dirty
Your main activity on site: Pay 20 bucks for a cone of fries, win goodies on the stand of an association and go home with the last subways
3. If you go to HellFest
Why are you going: See bands with names like Rectal Smegma or Washington Dead Cats and have no votes for a month
How do you dress : Capri pants with lots of pockets, rangers and your favorite band’s t-shirt
Your main activity on site: Make the devil horns on all the photos and organize your alcohol consumption to still be conscious in front of Ozzy (while you drink in liter cups)
4. If you go to the Fête de l’Huma
Why are you going: To piss off your parents on the right and see 50 concerts for less than 40 bucks
How do you dress : A flower bucket hat, a banana with lots of pockets and the flag of a left-wing party
Your main activity on site: Eating a €2 kebab, watching people make bolas and losing your voice because you know the lyrics to all the songs that play
5. If you go to the ElectroBeach
Why are you going: To stomp for 3 days and walk away with temporary hearing loss
How do you dress : Gym shorts, a sweat-wicking t-shirt, and your best sunglasses
Your main activity on site: Do pogoes in front of DJ Snake and marvel at indecent fireworks
6. If you go to Tomorrowland or Coachella
Why are you going: To show everyone that you have too much money and make your friends jealous with the incredible line-up
How do you dress : As if you were going to the Met Gala but with more sequins and less fabric because it’s very hot
Your main activity on site: Make a stock of photos for your Insta feed and pay 30€ for your slice of pizza
7. If you go to Francofolies or Rock en Seine
Why are you going: Because you’ve been going there every year since you were 14 and you don’t even ask yourself the question anymore, it’s tradition
How do you dress : Random shorts, a floral shirt over a tank top, and sneakers you’ll have to throw away at the end of the weekend
Your main activity on site: Have an aperitif with darons and sing loudly in front of the same groups as the previous year
8. If you go to Calvi on the Rocks
Why are you going: Because you’re a rich kid, influencer in your spare time and you have a little time before going to Saint-Trop’
How do you dress : A bathing suit, sandals, a white hat and phosphorescent bracelets
Your main activity on site: Take photos on the beach and drink overpriced cocktails in front of the stage
9. If you go to Burning Man
Why are you going: Because you want to live a half-detox, half-debauchery experience far from the stress of everyday life (and you have plenty of money to spend)
How do you dress : The most unlikely outfit ever with LEDs, feathers and balloons
Your main activity on site: Dancing with shamans, cycling a thousand miles, taking all the drugs in the world and regretting the money spent on renting the motorhome
10. If you only go to your village festival
Why are you going: ‘Cause there’s cheap draft beer at the bar and nothing else to do on Saturday night
How do you dress : Advertising t-shirt, sports shorts and cute Crocs
Your main activity on site: Zone out with your friends while listening to your middle school techno teacher playing with his band.