Like every year, the Hellfest tickets are gone in 5 minutes! If you are still wondering the reasons for such a success, I will try to answer you by explaining to you what I saw there during the last edition. And at the end of this top, you will say to yourself “but that looks too fucking good! » . Well, normally what happens at Hellfest should stay there, but you’re in luck, I like you.
1. A giant Lemmy statue that we would like to see in every city center
Lemmy Kilmister, the legend, the god of rockers and metalheads! The man who managed the feat of dying at the very advanced age of 70! Well ok, it’s not very advanced for a normal human. But given what he threw himself into the cone, we were almost sure that he wouldn’t pass the 40! Well at Hellfest we paid him a sacred tribute with this beautiful statue which contains, hold on tight, part of his ashes (if you sniff them you can go around France quietly).
2. Golgoths doing not-so-Golgoth stuff
Yeah, that’s a two-meter Viking with warrior mats and sorcerer’s goats, there’s a shovel of it. But what’s funny is to see them sunbathing like grandmas or waiting patiently for a little strawberry ice cream. Not because seeing them put big mandals in the pogos, that’s expected, but it’s when they do everyday things that it’s really funny. And it’s nice to see that even if you look like an orq from Lord of the Rings, you’re like everyone else, you like strawberry ice cream when it’s hot!
3. Groups that regain youth and (finally) recognition
In France, metal like manga, like video games, and generally like everything good has always had a disgusting image, well maintained by the media of sacred boomy boomers. And that’s why excellent French-speaking bands have never had the success or the recognition they deserved. Yes but today, one of the best metal festivals in the world is very French and does not hesitate to give a very good place to these groups of veterans who have known the mockery of opinion makers and the silence of the radios . But on Clisson they are heroes and seeing them enjoying themselves in front of thousands of fans is heartwarming. Even if we perceive in their eyes this little “but the hell why didn’t we experience these atmospheres when we were 20?”.
4. Big water cannons that feel good
In Pays de la Loire, it rains. But when it’s not raining, damn it hits! The sun seems to take revenge for all those times when the rain took its place. In addition, it seems that there is something called climate change that will happen soon (well, not before 50 years they said on CNews, don’t worry, you can continue to eat batteries) and which risks making it’s getting less and less fun. And indeed, this year in the middle of a heat wave, we had a lot of it in Clisson. But the organizers had the good idea to install huge water cannons to reward the spectators closest to the stage and for having tasted it a few times, we confirm that it is a delight.
5. Naked people (or almost)
And who live it really well! So much so that we pay more attention to it very quickly. Even if at first it’s always a little weird compared to other festivals. Afterwards, it’s hot, there’s a lot of alcohol and we always prefer to see butts even if they are huge and hairy (but really) than people dressed as unicorns and who think it’s still cool to do that .
6. Fireworks that blow up everything
So ok fireworks we see everywhere. But do we hear an overpowered sound system broadcasting heavy Rage Against The Machine during the show at Disney or during village festivals? No, I don’t think so… We suspected that rock and fireworks could be a beneficial association, but at this point. I’m afraid all future – normal – fireworks will look bland now.
7. A true musical openness
Be careful, I’m not saying that Vianney or PNL would be warmly received. But it is clear that all rock’n’roll families were invited. Blues, classic rock, classic punk, skate punk, Celtic music etc. Already that metal is a much more varied style than what ordinary mortals tend to think. At Hellfest, the whole history of rock’n’roll is invited. There’s even a little rap from time to time. But what are the people asking for ? (salary increases I believe, manu if you read us, go spit!)
8. Poetic group names, to piss on yourself
Brutal Sphincter, Anal Cunt, Pig Destroyer, Grosnibards, Rectal Smegma, and so on. Yes it is not poetic. Yes, they often make music as fine as the band name suggests. But do we want a world where all the bands have nice names of electropopdafterworkrelou like “purple horse” or “golden benevolence”? Eh ?
9. Caddy fights
Well you have to stay very late at the campsite but it’s worth any game of Game Of Thrones!
10. Showers
Yes, I swear there are, plenty even. I promise, the guys are washing up. Finally some forget but there was also the queue… Good… less than the one for the beer but you have to choose your fight carefully. No, but just after the beer I promise I’m going to take a shower, Yes well ok I was disgusting for 3 days and I washed myself with beer and water cannons. But I can’t wait for it to start again!