Even if they are sometimes our rival brothers, our neighbors the Belgians are above all friends. And if we like to remind them how much better everything is with us, it may be because deep down we are jealous of them. After all, the Belgians are better than us in many areas. In rock, in comics, in waffles, in fries, in beer, in humor and…well, we’ll stop there, it’s becoming humiliating for us. In short, we offer you something, the Belgians: you give us some of your very cool compatriots, and we give you some French in exchange to rebalance things. Okay with you ?
1. Stromae
Why ? : Because the guy is an incredible composer, author and performer, and each of his concerts is a monstrous show.
Who do we give in return? : Grégoire, because we’re not super proud of it.
2. Benoit Poelvoorde
Why ? : Because when he plays, he can make us cry as well as cause incontinence to laugh.
Who do we give in return? : Dany Boon, so they can get a check when crossing the border (even if the risk is that they give us a “Nothing to Declare 2”).
3. Angela
Why ? : Because she has made us dance more in recent years than most of our singers.
Who do we give in return? : Christine and the Queens, or Chris, or Redcar, or we don’t really know. We’ll take her back when she stops pretending to be Prince by changing her name every 3 days.
4. Jacques Brel
Why ? : Ok he’s dead, but we love him anyway.
Who do we give in return? : Michel Sardou. Ok he is not dead yet, but it will inevitably come one day.
5. Francois Damiens
Why ? : Because the guy took hidden cameras to the ultimate level of gaming.
Who do we give in return? : Bigard. It’s been 20 years since it made us laugh, it’s been 2 years since it turned out badly, and we don’t even want to see the sequel.
6. Wrong Sue
Why ? : Because it smashes a good part of our French musical landscape and it made itself.
Who do we give in return? : Izïa, because she stopped making good rock and she didn’t make herself at all.
7. The Balthazar Group
Why ? : Because Belgian rock smashes French rock, that’s a fact. We could have taken Deus or Girls in Hawaii, but it fell on Balthazar.
Who do we give in return? : Kyo, you’ll see it’s a hit in karaoke.
8. Damso
Why ? : Because he is relatively objectively the best fat rapper of the last 5 years.
Who do we give in return? : Booba, he’s never there anyway.
9. Guillermo Guiz
Why ? : Because even if we already have good comedians, we are not against one more.
Who do we give in return? : Urban, because we’re nice.
10. Lucky Luke
Why ? : Because we need a poor lonesome cowboy in our region.
Who do we give in return? : The Bidochons. We can’t stand this infamous couple anymore.
11. Jean Claude Van Damme
Why ? : Because he had announced that we would have no more water, and he was right.
Who do we give in return? : Francis Lalanne, because he comes out with real bullshit (and he doesn’t even have abs).
12. Cecile of France
Why ? : Because it is called “from France”, frankly that would be more logical.
Who do we give in return? : Audrey Tautou, because they have already crossed borders together.