It sometimes happens that we find ourselves in a somewhat messy environment at the office (not to mention the times when it’s really very toxic and where you have to be accompanied to get out of this hell) or when you just want to to piss off his people for no real reason, and in this case his own employer is a prime target. Do you wonder how you can annoy your boss in the rules of the art without it backfiring on you? So follow these tips, they are the result of work on the hassle in business carried out over several years.
1. Save time off for a year or two and do it all at once
If you can save your holidays for a year or two (some companies allow it) don’t hesitate to put everything in at once and take two months off on vacation. It’s a safe bet that it will put your whole team in the shit going up to the highest echelons of your company. A kind of trickle down theory but in reverse.
2. Dialogue only with passive aggressive phrases
“Unless I am mistaken”, “You have received my email, right? Because it was in…”, “Maybe it was me who misunderstood, but it seems to me that…” All these passive-aggressive turns of phrase to say at work can allow you to instill a particularly shitty atmosphere. .
3. Always turn in your work at the last moment
You must have finished this file by Friday 6 p.m.? So check it out Friday at 6 p.m. Does your boss absolutely have to read the documents you’re working on before the 1 p.m. meeting? Sneak him in at 12:58 as he walks into the meeting room. Pissing off is an art that is not taken lightly.
4. Save your holidays for a year and pose every Friday of the year
Another technique that can piss people off when it comes to holidays is to ask every Friday of the year, or at least most of them, after saving days for a year. On the one hand, you get constant three-day weekends, but you can also enjoy the chaos caused in the office all the time, while savoring the pleasure of declaring “have a good weekend” when leaving your post every Thursday evening.
5. Shield your computer from viruses
Who says computer with viruses says slow computer, and who says slow computer says slow work. You’re starting to see where we’re coming from: you’re going to be continually behind on your job and won’t be able to work properly and that can’t be held against you by your employer. Genius.
6. Taking sick leave too often
It’s true that it’s boring someone who is a bit sick all the time during the Christmas, February, summer, All Saints holidays… During all the holidays, as it happens. To validate this scheme you need a doctor buddy who does not have too many morals or a good acting game, take some acting lessons.
7. Work poorly, but work well enough that it doesn’t backfire
It’s not that you don’t do the job, but you do it slowly and poorly. Be careful however, the dosage is essential: if you do not jerk off anything you can get fired, so you have to find the gland concentrate that will not put you in danger. However do not put any soul in what you return, the fruit of your work must be tasteless and useless.
8. Put bad will in everything you do
Blow when someone asks you for something, constantly complain about the tasks you are given, question everything, rightly criticize the emptiness of your company’s missions, say that you are tired all the time and when your superior comes to ask you to make a point put your head in your hand while rubbing your eyes and answer by whispering with the tone of despair “Yes… I’m coming Daniel… I’m coming…”
9. Advise him to take management training
Basically, it’s always good to criticize your methods, to say “a normal manager wouldn’t have done that”, or “my former boss did things differently and it was better”. But the worst thing is to offer him to do management training, that kind of sentences attack the ego.
10. Do a lot of overtime (paid with the increase otherwise it’s not fun)
In some circles (such as culture or audiovisual) we manage to be happy when our overtime is paid at the normal rate and not at the overtime rate. Assume that giving money is something that will always piss off your boss, but for once you are within the legality to piss him off on this point, take advantage of it and spread your work over endless overtime hours that will will make you rich.
11. Sink your box
Well, you have to be aware of the risk since what awaits you is probably unemployment, but nothing will annoy your employer more than seeing his company sink or lose a mountain of money.
12. Have children every year to scratch paternity leave
If we count the number of days that maternity/paternity leave can give, at the rate of one child per year, you will be able to take it easy while leaving a mountain of work to accumulate on your superior’s desk. Good after you end up with lots of children crying all the time. That sucks.