Top 12 proofs that your human is toxic, damn dog life

Life is good, because you have kibble in your bowl, you went for a walk just this morning, your ball is at the foot of your basket and you gnawed a marrow bone two days ago. We could believe there like that that your daily life is perfect, that you are happy and have every reason to be, and yet it is possible that your human being is completely toxic and that your relationship is just as toxic even if you you are not a dangerous dog.

1. He leaves you alone most of the time.

Your human leaves in the morning and returns in the evening: in the meantime, you are alone with your regrets, cushions that you are not allowed to chew on and most of the doors of the accommodation closed.

2. He doesn’t give you as much love as you give him.

As soon as he comes home you shower your human with all your love and make him happy, but for him it barely lasts two minutes when you would like this moment to last hours, after all you’ve waited all day squealing in a corner of the apartment like a big loser. Very one-sided as love.

3. He decides when you can relieve yourself or go for a walk.

Even if you made your human understand that you really needed to go to shit very quickly, he doesn’t seem to want to satisfy you on this. He is the one who says when you can relieve yourself, and if you dare to do so in the house, you go for three weeks of punishment. Overall your master is really an asshole.

4. He already forgot you at the park

Well it can happen, after all your human remains a human: a creature imprinted with errors and wanderings and you must forgive him this kind of consideration. But it’s boring, you stay in the park like an idiot eating a branch when he’s probably having a good time with another dog. The motherfucker.

5. He dares to yell at you when you ruin his sofa

You spend the day alone like an idiot at home and when he comes home he dares to yell at you when you have just channeled your energy on the sofa because your life is really shitty since you are locked in a room all the time. But he doesn’t realize that, this human bastard.

6. He cuddles you when he wants, but when you want it is often refused

One-sided love from your human is clearly toxic, on the pretext that you stink badly, that you pissed in the living room and that you have fleas this big bastard does not accept all your hugs and decides when you can do it to him.

7. It cuts you off from your surroundings and prevents you from smelling the ass of the friends at the park.

Smelling asses is your whole life, it’s even your oxygen. And this bastard does not hesitate to forbid you this little pleasure that you cherish so much under the pretext that in his world it is not done. No effort to understand the codes of other species these shitty humans.

8. He’d rather eat out than pay for the vet

You are sick but it seems to affect one of them without moving the other because he prefers to pay for a restaurant or some outing rather than treating you. Be careful, you are clearly in a bad way, it could end badly for you, so enjoy this ride, it’s probably your last.

9. He’s been eating the same thing every day for three years.

He couldn’t bear to eat the same meal for two days in a row, but on the other hand, to give you the same croquettes every day throughout your life, that doesn’t bother him, especially since he buys the disgusting reference brand made from compote of field mice this fat stingy.

10. He makes you wear stupid clothes to take your picture.

You’re not his friend, at best you’re a fluff helping him earn a few likes on Instagram at the cost of your own pain and honor. But hey, it inflates his ego so don’t complain, eat your croquettes and wait for the final bite… (yeah it’s super dark)

11. He feeds you mostly chocolate

There it is a signal all the same, since concretely it is a little the food which can stumble you: if it gives you in abundance almost daily it is even more that it is toxic, it is that he’s trying to get rid of you. You may have looked for it too.

12. He literally cut your balls off.

If you needed only one real proof that he hates you and that he is completely sadistic, this is it. Cutting off someone’s balls is one of the worst things you can do, you really have to be a beautiful bastard to hope that the being in question continues to love you after that, but the human does it like he goes to the swimming pool.