Who says autumn soon says winter and who says soon winter says arrival of the clementine season. But there is NO reason to rejoice, because this fruit is the worst food I have ever tasted in my entire life (that’s a bunch of food, like 4,625, guess how old I am ). I’m not saying that to hurt clementines and those who eat them, but after a while you have to tell the truth: clementines stink and that’s why.
1. It leaves an old smell on your fingers for 50 years.
If I had wanted to feel strong for days and days, I would have asked my grandmother to give me a Scorpio box in fact.
2. It makes you piss yellow nails
No, I didn’t wash my hands with Betadine, I just ate a fucking clementine, stop the clichés!
3. There are always 10,000 yucky little white threads
Is it fruit or is it frayed jeans??? Gotta know in the end, shit.
4. As soon as you eat one, it smells all over the room.
Those who say it smells like Christmas, I don’t think you’ve ever walked alone at four years old in a snowy forest on New Year’s Eve. That smells of Christmas.
5. Everyone eats this in the winter, buy yourself a personality actually
And then what, you eat strawberries in summer too maybe?? Bêêêêêh, how are you sheep??
6. There’s always a moment when your clementine squirts in your eye when you peel it.
You’re there, you’re waiting for your little sweet touch at the end of the meal to complete this moment in joy and good humor and BAM! You end up being attacked by a wild drop that will blind you for the next 10 minutes. Nice atmosphere, say so if you are not welcome.
7. You always have to buy them in boxes of 500
And of course, there’s always a time when you have to throw away the rotten things you couldn’t eat. Hello waste! In addition, you inevitably fall into the lot of “still drinkable” on the one that will have a slightly disgusting dried quarter. I didn’t sign up for that.
8. The pips are super treacherous, they hide in the neighborhoods and bim they get under your teeth
In any case, if you have the money to spend, eat clementines because that way, you will have an 87% chance of having to have a dental crown after biting into a seed.
10. It’s refreshing fruits and they’re only available in winter, whatever
To believe that clementines were created to piss off the world, but where are we??!
11. If you want vitamin C, you might as well eat an orange.
Already because you don’t have to carry around two of them everywhere as if they were twin sisters born under the sign of Gemini. And especially because it tastes three times better. Why would we drink orange juice and not clementine juice in the morning huh? Think about it.
12. Always be wary of fruits that have a human name
That goes for blueberries and kumquats.