Even though couples do crass stuff, have ridiculous shouting matches, and some even get couple tattoos, having someone to share their duvet with is a life goal for many people. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes periods of scarcity before finding the one who will agree to cut our toenails without complaining. Long shortages. Involuntary food shortages too… So these are the signs that it’s been a bit too long since you’ve cracked, but don’t worry, everyone advances at their own pace, it’s not a competition as my ex used to tell me.
1. Your family no longer asks you how loves are going
Besides, you went back to the children’s table at the last cousinade when you were 32 years old.
2. The apps tell you at least once a week that there are “no more meetings available at the moment”
Besides, you know all the apps that exist, even those for BDSM fans and lovers of green vegetables.
3. You cry when you see people holding hands in the street.
Once, you even happened to run between two people, blinded by tears, to separate them.
4. You flirt with your colleagues of all genders in an insistent and embarrassing way
They all felt compelled to invite you to their cotton wedding so that you finally understood that they weren’t available.
5. You start all your Tinder conversations with “Hey, what’s a hottie like you doing on this app?”
At the new year, your friends have also offered you the award for the worst Tinder bio. And it was deserved.
6. You threw up when your best friend told you she was getting married.
A reflex not very surprising since you already had retches when she told you about their future move.
7. You haven’t missed a nightly TV episode in years.
Monday is MAPR, Tuesday Koh-lanta, Wednesday Top Chef, Thursday Beijing Express and Friday Cauchemar in the kitchen.
8. You invested in a single bed
After all, why waste space?
9. You only have “If you see this video, your crush will declare his love for you” in your TikTok feed
Unfortunately that never happens, just like your wishes at the mirror hours.
10. Your condoms have expired since 2020
But you still keep one in your bag to remind you of your goal.
11. Your friends introduce you to their own friends’ cousins because you’ve already dated their entire circle of friends.
They even wonder if they don’t have the numbers of your former teachers in stock in case some of them have divorced.
12. Have you ever shoveled the neck of a bottle to remember how it felt?
It made you little guillis in the lower abdomen.
Lost for lost, try to find out if your neighbor or your neighbor is single: there are plenty of good reasons to pick up your neighbor (and then anyway, given your situation, you’re not going to start playing the difficult ones eh).