Top 13 things to remember from Koh Lanta the cursed totem, episode 16
Hello Totemixes! Yes, Olga is gone. Yes it’s sad. But dry your tears, because here we are: it’s time for the only, unique, legendary… ORIENTATION RACE!!! An orienteering race a little bit special since it will give more or less access to 4 places for the posts. Yeah, we still haven’t really understood the concept, so we’re counting on this episode to shed some light on all of this. In the meantime, we can’t wait to find out who, this year, will get lost for 5 hours without finding the shadow of a beacon. And we secretly hope it’s not JC. Come on JC. Give it all you got. Please.
1. Who is this person?
It’s a joke from the editors of the show, isn’t it? We haven’t seen her this season.
2. It’s hot François
François gave us his strategy: “I’m going to do a star route, then I’m going to take the azimuth distance and then I’m going to do the snail technique…”
Missing more than he added the Greek otter method and the bearded mushroom shot, and he would have made a perfect orientation.
“And finally I will apply the vicious centipede system to be sure to find the dagger”
3. A cursed totem not at all cursed
We had it spoiled last week: this year, the cursed totem will allow the last two of the orientation to compete in a second orientation.
To go on the posts, with a handicap.
Not so cursed as that the totem suddenly. It’s a cool totem.
“Listen, we had to make the production of this black totem profitable, so please act like it’s a curse”
4. Thank you for this close-up
Bastien getting his hand cut by brambles, maybe we didn’t need to see him so close. Thanks to the production.
Note that this was only the beginning of trouble for Bastien, who broke his face 12 times and lost at least as many times in the forest. He was victimized by Nature on this Bastos event.
Disgusting.
5. Thank the cameraman
You saw him ? JC who can’t find his speckled stone, who glances at the cameraman filming the stone, and who, SUDDENLY, finds his mark? It’s awesome.
Soon the production will directly install light panels in the shape of an arrow with type messages “SHE IS HERE BROTHER, LOOK”. It will go even faster.
Superb acting
6. OHLALALA CHAMPIOOOOOON
YESIII!!! THIS IS OUR JC!!!! HE DID IT !!!! HE WON A TEST!!!!
IT’S NOT LAST, NOT PENCIL-LAST, NOT BEFORE-LAST NO, FIRST!!! AND IN 36 MORE MINUTES!!!
Damn it’s hard to believe. Is it a dream? Did it really happen? We’re going to have a hard time getting over it.
7. Go Gege!
After JC, it is Gégé who finds his dagger. It’s the revenge of the nullos and we like it. Personally, I will call my children Gégé and JC. They will be useless in EPS but strong in orientation.
On the other hand, Géraldine dropped us a: “I am happy as ever… apart from the birth of my children”…
She did well to specify otherwise the return home would have been a bit tense.
The 3 minutes of screaming and crying we would have done well without it, on the other hand
8. And hop, François takes third place
After feeling a big jolt when he learned that JC had found the first dagger, the big melon of the season pulled himself together and found the last knife. Before moving on to a 3-hour speech on the attention to you (we let go at that time, it was too boring). Congratulations François, but take it easy on the speeches please.
9. We found Bastien’s weak points
Orientation, and knowledge of colors.
Seriously, “sky green” Bastien?
“I thought it was sand blue or pétanque red but no, it was sky green”
10. Let’s go for the second orientation
We’ll officially call it “orientation for dummies”: there’s no beacon to find, no color to remember, no need for a compass. You just have to spot a tree and then search. At this rate, next year we will directly throw a dagger 20 meters away and the first to bring it back will have won.
“The first to find Dorian des 4 Terres wins”
11. No Amber means no.
No, Amber, we’re not coming out of the old jokes of 2019 that no one does anymore, and “the calculations are not good Kevin” that’s part of it.
It deserves punishment.
12. Well here is your punishment Amber
Bastien found the dagger. You are eliminated. It’s hard but it’s the law of humor that spoke.
This therefore means that it is Bastien who will be entitled to the “cursed” totem. A totem that will likely be covered in crushed glass, Vaseline, or molten lava. Maybe Denis will even throw small pebbles at Bastien to knock him down. Maybe Bastien’s ex will tell her that she’s going back with him if he jumps off the post. The possibilities of this curse are endless.
13. We leave on these beautiful words of JC
“I put you on the race”
Oh there it is good.
