Tips Clear News Portal Your Ultimate Guide to Clear Tips on Life, Tech, Health, and More Having a smart phone (as our brothers in Quebec say) means exposing yourself to the possibility of receiving embarrassing messages sent by mistake, but also messages that give a damn. For example, the messages below make you want to curl up in a ball and cry in your mother’s arms while drowning in her snot. Worse than the chain mails on the Dame Blanche in 2008. So take your courage in both hands to read the following lines.
1. Would you like to sell your baby? I had a miscarriage recently and I saw by following you on Facebook that your daughter was beautiful. I’ve already found a nickname for her and bought her little things.”
2. “Keep talking to my girl and we’re gonna have a problem”
– Dude, who is it???
“Your fucking worst nightmare if you keep talking to Emma.
– Okie dokie.
3. Your little brother will go into “goblin mode”, what is it? Answer me
– Course !
4. Guess what…
– Quoi ?
– Come on, guess!
– I do not know…
– Grandma is in the hospital
“But why did you want me to guess that??? What happened ?
5. You look seriously cool, what’s your credit card number?
Sir, sorry?
6. Help
– How are you, Grandma?
– Nope. Procreation (Bred). Buy me some bread.
[Oui, la blague n’est pas bien traduisible en français.]7. We need to talk
– What’s wrong ?
– Can we have Chinese food?
“Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”
– Oui.
8. Be careful, my husband has suspicions for both of us
– Suspicions about what? We know each other ?
– I am her husband, you are now off my list of suspects.
– WTF…
– Sorry, my husband took my phone, luckily you didn’t say anything.
– What could I have said? We do not know each other …
– It’s still her husband, I wanted confirmation.
9. Send me a picture
Oh damn… How are you Lord Farquaad?
10. Do you feel horny?
– Non.
– Ah OK. And when are you gonna feel horny?
11. Your UberEats order was not delivered. Here is the message from your delivery man: “Hummmm, a good burger”
12. I’ll come to your house
– You don’t know the code
– Yes, I know it
– What is it then ?
13. Consider it a threat. Sorry, bad addressee
Who was the correct recipient? Who was the fucking good recipient????
14. 3 kg of rice, 1 kg of sel, 4 kg of blé, 500 g of concombre
– What is this bullshit man???
– When did you unblock me? I often write my shopping list here.