Ah children… These cute little beings who never put us to shame on vacation or make adults uncomfortable… Never, never… they are there, like when they humiliate us very badly in front of the whole world. But we love them anyway (once the urge to disinherit them and then drown them in cough syrup has passed).
1. “Which is heavier: a cow or your father?”
2. “My daughter made me this bracelet today”
3. “It’s not to show off, but my daughter voted me the eleventh best father in the world”
4. “This is what mum looks like in the morning / This is what mum looks like when she goes out at night”
5. “I found out my kid had this on his classroom wall all year: ‘Here’s my dad holding the mug of the greatest whoopee ever.'”
6. “As a father, I was touched by the first page of my daughter’s diary: ‘I love my mother, I have a father’.”
7. “Dear dad, you’re a year closer to death. Happy birthday! I love you”
8. “I drew my father’s vasectomy in my kindergarten notebook”
9. “My 11 year old daughter gave me this card for my birthday: ‘Life is a waterslide where you die on arrival. You are here.'”
10. “My 13-year-old daughter left me death threats this Saturday morning: ‘Daddy, if you wake me up again, I’m going to kill you.'”
11. “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that Mother’s Day wouldn’t be possible without me. I’ll be waiting for my present in the living room. Joshua”
12. “My son gave me a condolence card for my 40th birthday: ‘Dear father, we have your back in these difficult times. Death may be waiting for you around the corner. We love you very much and we will take care of you in your old age. Here’s a blanket to comfort you. I love you. Dylan’.”
13. “My daughter bumped into me for Father’s Day. I couldn’t be more proud: ‘When I grow up, I want to be as funny as you think you are.’
14. “My daughter is being punished, so she had to help me clean the terrace. I found this when I came back: ‘My father is bald’. Prolonged punishment”
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