If you like capilotracted humor, well-pushed sarcasm, false first degree and jokes that don’t mean anything, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to this top tweets, I will be your waitress tonight and I recommend point 8 which goes very well with a glass of Chablis. Good reading !
1. I’m going to take a day off on Monday to think about what I want for Christmas
2. I create a wonderful life for my Sims family while my girlfriend works two jobs
3. I put ice cubes in the microwave to make my famous water recipe
4. The weather’s “feels like” is probably calculated on the opinion of a single random guy
5. I love all the numbers on my credit card but wish it was 4072 8090 4677 5531 instead of 4072 8090 4677 5539
6. Can I come to your place? I have a quarter of an hour of madness and you have room at home to run
7. The Amityville house, where 6 people were murdered, still felt the need to decorate for Halloween
8. I was drinking beers at the bar, I look around and notice that there are like 12 people copying me.
9. I’m going to donate blood tomorrow to get in on the Halloween spirit
10. Hey man, could you babysit me from 3 to 8 today, my girlfriend is going to see some friends and I’m scared on my own
11. I send this same message twice a day (To: dentist / Subject: Again)
12. There’s a hole in bagels, just like in acoustic guitars. But the similarities end there.
13. Cars have windows and can move. The houses have windows and cannot move. So it’s not the windows that make the car move, it’s completely something else…
14. My mom still has the good life (Raisin cookies that look like chocolate cookies are responsible for my trust issues)
15. It goes before before going to the elementary school book fair
Come on, we’re closing, we have to leave now.