Top 15 of the best tweets from @DrakeGatsby, we have fun as we can

1. I thought I was getting sick but it’s just that I haven’t eaten a single vegetable for 9 days

2. Google Maps: Arrival at destination

Me: Oh I took a wrong turn

Google Maps: Drive 5km and turn right

Me: Can’t I just turn around?

Google Maps: Drive 15km, turn left twice and right once

Me: Seems a bit overkill

Google Maps: Stop to the side and think about what you’ve done

3. All cooking recipes should start with “wash the dirty dishes lying around in the sink because you’re going to need them”

4. Imagine grabbing a condom off the nightstand using this

5. “No one wants to work these days” Personally, I’ve never wanted to work

6. I’ll show this to a baby and watch him have an existential crisis.

Click on each image that contains an airplane

7. If I were a millionaire, I would make my wildest dreams come true like buying raspberries when they weren’t on sale.

8. “Your cat would eat your body if you died” you’re right little man, get all those vitamins I don’t blame you

9. “An update is available, would you like to install it now?” Kiss my ass. Rather die.

10. I’m writing a letter to Santa now because I don’t want to be that kind of friend who only checks in when he needs something

11. The only thing that gets me up for the week is knowing that something I ordered online is going to be delivered soon.

12. I parked too far from the pump at the gas station. I’ll try again tomorrow, I don’t need gas that bad

13. Future employer: Where do you see yourself in… / Me, cutting him off: In a mirror

14. Saying “What a big ballsucker…” when my best man makes his speech at my wedding.

15. Me: It’s so beautiful outside, warm and sunny. I feel really good, nothing can ruin it / My allergies: Hey you stupid moron