Top 15 of the best valves of Djimo, the man who valves faster than his shadow

ByThiru Venkatam

“There is no point in running, you have to winnow to the point”, here is a sentence that perfectly defines Djimo’s humor.

Discovered by the general public in 2018, thanks to the incredible success of his appearance at the Montreux Comedy Festival, he has since become one of the outstanding faces of the French-speaking stand-up scene, with a unique style, recognizable among a thousand. And it is not his spectators who will make us say the opposite: “Succeeding in making the public laugh with each sentence is very strong”, “He does not move, yet he has a real stage presence”, “He controls the public is a crazy thing, when he wants to make them laugh, he does it, when he wants to chain sentences with the same pauses but without laughing, he does it”…

So before you go get your tickets for his show just here, here are some of his best valves available on the internet. A top to read at x0.75 speed.

1. Limoges is a very small town where it is forbidden to run. Because if you run to Limoges, you’re actually leaving the city.

2. I like this little moment when the public looks at me and asks questions. Namely: if I’m stoned.

3. I have tried smoking drugs before. Damn it didn’t bother me, I was disgusted. I beat the drugs.

4. I’m tired of getting stoned every time I go on stage. I see the other artists who are slow like me, like Christophe Willem, well, for people, he’s a turtle. I would have liked to be a turtle. It’s always better than a stoned guy.

5. The ski instructor made us take the butt lifter and he told us: “Don’t worry, if you ever fall off the butt lifter, we’ll come get you”. Well I hope man, because I don’t want to live in the mountains, you see. I don’t know how to do anything, so if I fall, I’m sure I’m waiting for you.

6. Luckily I wasn’t born during slavery […] Me, I think that at that time, I would have died in the boat. I have reached an age where I question my abilities, you see. And slavery, I’m not capable, I don’t have the skills.

7. You saw the Amazon burning right now. You will see instead they will make a nice parking lot, with a Starbucks. The Indians go get their coffee there: “What’s your name? Petit Brasier”

8. With my friends we wanted to go clubbing, but we only had one car and there were 6 of us. Suddenly, there is a guy who had to go in the trunk. You know in a group you always have a person who is the victim, that nobody respects. Well suddenly I went in the trunk.

9. I didn’t prepare anything, so I’ll tell you what I did today. And I didn’t do much…

10. The biggest disease we have in France is linked to gluten. The rest of the world, they have malaria… crazy stuff. And we have gluten. It’s not a disease you can export. You can’t send food to troubled countries and say, “You know you’re lucky, what you eat is gluten-free man!” “Yeah it’s great your delirium there, but I’m hungry! Add the gluten my friend, we’re going to make toast!”

11. We would like to save the animals, but we love our comfort too much. If you are told tomorrow: “Drop your car and it saves the bears”, everyone will say: “Bah ciao the bears!”

12. I tried to save the pandas. Because at one point, the pandas were in deep shit because they had trouble reproducing, so they had to send money to an association so that the pandas could… ken. And then I stopped this association, I said to myself: “What the fuck am I doing here? Am I paying a panda for whores here?”

13. I pass the license there. Accelerated.

14. I went to Lunéville and frankly Limoges next door, it’s Los Angeles what. I withdrew €50 there, they asked me to give it back, because otherwise the city was in trouble behind it.

15. I listened to “Anxiety” by Pomme, and listening to the lyrics, I was pissed off. I said to myself: “Damn, I’m actually fine!”

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