I do not think to throw a stone in the pond (only a small pebble) by saying that WhatsApp is a separate application with rules to explain to our parents and WhatsApp tricks that no one knows. But it is above all a separate app, because unlike the others, there are a multitude of all different group conversations, which are nevertheless known to all people with WhatsApp. Yes, it’s super strong. Here is a non-exhaustive list of these conversations that haunt our days and cause us to lose 2 days of life expectancy each time we read them.
1. The group with your whole family, even your grandmother and your 17th cousin
What we see there: Your grandparents send chains and boomer memes found on Goat Face, distant aunts share their kids’ Santa lists, and your siblings delete embarrassing messages sent when they were drunk. Sacred atmosphere.
The good reason to leave it: This group is full of cousins that you had lost sight of (and it suited you very well like that).
2. The group full of strangers to talk about a mutual friend’s birthday present
What we see there: People coming up with shitty gift ideas because no one really knows the birthday person’s tastes.
The good reason to leave it: We’re bound to ask you for money, lots of money, and harass you until you dip into your PEL for a guy you haven’t seen in two years. Flee. Quick.
3. The parallel group of the common gift group for bitcher
What we see there: Waves of hatred, many insults and above all people a little upset that their gift idea was not accepted.
The good reason to leave it: Admit it, you don’t want people to do the same when it’s up to you to take care of your best friend’s gifts. (They will do it anyway, but for your conscience, tell yourself not to do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.).
4. The group with your hardest friends where you send jokes that you wouldn’t dare share with the rest of the world
What we see there: Too many horrible jokes about mothers, kids, and genitals, among other things.
The good reason to leave it: You could be the first to say you didn’t think it was right when the existence of this group is revealed in the media.
5. The parent group of the kindergarten class from Tiffany to Jules Ferry
What we see there: Parents trying to throw a picnic and arguing over who makes the chocolate cake and who makes the orange cake.
The good reason to leave it: Once the picnic is over, you will only receive messages from parents who shit about the teacher’s work. Believe me, neither you nor your child need this.
6. The group of elementary/middle/high school friends where everyone just throws dates to see each other but no one is ever available
What we see there: Chain dates with question marks and people who unpack their schedules giving too many details as if we gave a fuck.
The good reason to leave it:No date will bring everyone together and anyway, it might not be so bad that you don’t see these people with whom you no longer have anything in common except a public high school and an MST.
7. The group created to share photos after a nice evening with friends but which dies the next day
What we see there: Images of people with 3g in each arm crawling in a field and licking their mouths.
The good reason to leave it: You downloaded all the photos where you appear (especially the one where you have your head in the toilet beuging) and you have already forgotten what you could have said to these people during the evening because of your blackout.
8. The group at 300 notifications a day that you have mutated forever and that you catch up from time to time in the bathroom
What we see there: Cobblestones longer than Lord of the Rings tomes and more compact than brick.
The good reason to leave it: You have 300 notifications a day. We think that’s reason enough to get you out of the way ASAP.
9. Your undergraduate class group where only popular people talk
What we see there: The dryers who ask for deadlines for the next DS every ten minutes and the deceptively cool people who force to collect money to organize lame events with their BDE.
The good reason to leave it: You will stop at the end of the first semester.
10. The group of your running collective that organizes outings you never go to
What we see there: People who go crazy because they are able to get up at 5 a.m. to run a 10 km in the forest of Fontainebleau before work.
The good reason to leave it: You will say ciao to this nice dose of guilt that gnaws at you as soon as you open the discussion.
11. The group of the weekend between friends which is recreated each time
What we see there: A guy asking to be reimbursed for his €2 spent on barbecue-flavored crisps, your friend trying to find out who stole his charger and another sending his location for those who got lost on the way again.
The good reason to leave it: You didn’t give your buddy the 25 cents you owed.
12. The group of neighbors in your building (you’ve never seen them in person, but you know their daily struggles)
What we see there: People having their mailbox tags stolen and your babysitter getting everyone drunk to throw a neighbor party in March.
The good reason to leave it: You don’t want to see what your neighbors are going to say about this conversation after your birthday party.
13. The group of future co-workers where you judge people based on the messages and emojis they send
What we see there: People who look like big ball lickers and use way too many emojis in professional messages.
The good reason to leave it: You will be fired before the end of your probationary period.
14. The group of friends who always have lots of gossip and crazy stories to tell each other in three-minute vocals
What we see there: Soundtracks everywhere, it feels like a radio station.
The good reason to leave it: We’re not in a podcast, that’s enough at the end!