Top 20+ tweets that made us laugh this week #466

every time I drive I think of my driving instructor Pascal what would he fuck me up if he saw me driving like that

— Sasou (@sasouumk) November 21, 2022

i wish i could quit my job so i can focus on my true passion which is sleeping

— IG: closedapp (@ih8rts) November 21, 2022

It’s completely stupid to call it a four quarter. We should have called it a

— PHT (Par Roady) (@TelePeach) November 21, 2022

if we get euro 2028 we should put rough gay sex in the opening ceremony and tell anyone who doesn’t like it to respect our culture

— alice (@alice_the_saint) November 21, 2022

I find you very hard with the video of Mcfly and Carlito I really laughed when

— syl (@syylllia) November 21, 2022

There’s my neighbor on the 5th floor who knocked to tell me “tonight I’m making a raclette” I said yes with pleasure when in fact he just wanted an extra chair for his guests

— la meuf là (@niemesia) November 22, 2022

Phrase contest to answer if a guy hits on you with his moldy floppy disks:

“Hey, wouldn’t you be a soup? Because you look super miso”

– ???? (@bleaching) November 23, 2022

I will remember all my life this colleague who earned 7000 euros and who made me pay for a pizza that we shared in proportion to what I had eaten on it when I was an intern.

— plaguemasked ? (@masquedelapeste) November 23, 2022

Two important things to discuss BEFORE moving in with someone that will avoid a lot of arguments:
1/ sharing of common expenses (rent, bills etc.), 50-50 or each according to their income
2/ if spitting on the floor and rubbing with a paper towel counts for mopping

— John Marshall Bolt ? (@marechalboulon) November 23, 2022

Why do dancers count down from 5 to 8???? “5,6,7,8”
What is your project ?

— Alix (@GroussetAlix) November 24, 2022

If you think you’ve had awkward moments as a couple, know that I dated someone who was a first-degree fan of the minions and who spoke like them IRL

At 24 years old.

— Louise (@AmeEnSoie) November 24, 2022

dog: [brings sticks inside]

me: no that belongs outside

me, at Christmas time: [brings entire tree inside]

dog: what the actual shit is this

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 25, 2022

It’s like I’m going from my bedroom to my kitchen on a fucking scooter

— Maximaxime (@MaxiMaxime) November 25, 2022

The worst in subway work isn’t work, it’s @DOBBERMAN’s order people how does it barbecue raclette olive tuna

— Forest Bamboo (@Bamboussse) November 25, 2022

just learned that all of the “You’re the best!” texts my dad sends me are one of three quick reply options in his Toyota Rav4

— christain? (@boyruminating) November 25, 2022

My parents left their villages in Greece to give us a better life and now all I want to do is live in a village in Greece.

— Eva Basilion (@EBasilion) November 26, 2022

my psychology teacher told me one day ”Love is the most beautiful thing
To love is to rise so high
And touch the wings of birds” & I think everyone should know that

— GeoDaisy (@DaisyLetourneur) November 26, 2022

I was away this weekend.
When I get home, I ask my daughter what she ate while I was away.
“Pumpkins, carrots, celery, cauliflower, leeks, tomatoes, lettuce…” she said looking at her father.
It’s weird

— Louise. (@Adelouisephine) November 27, 2022