Hi, you big dummies of people who don’t control their emotions and who aren’t always kind and benevolent with their children, bouuuuh, how do you know anything about positive parenting? Good news, today we are going to question this sacrosanct benevolent education by exploring its limits. And you’re going to tell me that I talk about it all the time these days, but this top was particularly inspired by the Shock Meta podcast who digs the subject very seriously.
Basically, what is positive parenting?
Hyper fashionable practice for 20 years which now seems obvious to everyone, it is however very difficult to define it clearly. It is called positive or creative parenting, sometimes also caring parenting. The Council of Europe defines it as “Positive parenting is behavior that aims to raise the child and empower him, that is non-violent and that provides him with recognition and assistance by establishing a set of benchmarks that promote his full development”. In principle, it would therefore be a matter of cooperation with the child which would replace the injunction, we no longer punish, we dialogue so that the child does not adopt transgressive behavior. But in reality, it’s not all that simple.
1. It’s a new mental load
Now that positive parenting is everywhere, we tend to hunt down parents who do not respect it to the letter and who would then be considered bad parents. Ideal for feeling guilty and telling ourselves that we’re just shit because we didn’t think to cooperate with our son when he stuck a fork in our forearm.
2. It implies negative parenting
The term “positive” doesn’t mean much scientifically and is misleading, in fact. It implies that there is good parenting and shitty parenting. You can already see how it sucks. Moreover, this wording makes it hard to question because, after all, every parent wants the best for their child. To criticize positive parenting would be to say that we want to be bad parents.
3. Some followers lack nuance
If we talk about it, it’s because there are people who go completely crazy around positive parenting and who not only shame other parents who would not do like them but refuse to question this current of thought. . Basically, if you’re not into positive parenting, it’s because you want to piss off your children. You will recognize that it lacks a bit of nuance.
4. It’s another version of the passion for HPIs
We have often told you about our love for HPI (no) and in particular parents who swear by this new term to label the presupposed intelligence of their tender cherub. Well, positive parenting, if you like, responds somewhat to the same fashion as HPI children. It is a way of imposing on parents an injunction to benevolent perfection in the same way that the HPI passion responds to the fantasy of the child prodigy not cut out for the current education system.
5. From benevolent education to laxity there is only one step
Never say no to a child, never reprimand him, let him do it and say what he wants when he wants, that has a name: laxity. So of course you can be a benevolent parent without necessarily being lax, but you can also quickly become lax as long as you want to listen and dialogue all the time. When a child does something stupid, it is also possible to make him understand with authority without traumatizing or violently (and fortunately). For example, if my son uses a glass of bleach, it is not relevant to talk to him to explain to him that he has the right to drink bleach but that it would be better if he don’t drink it.
ATTENTION, I knowingly choose caricatural examples, I suspect that benevolent education is not just that, but it is a new concept that I am trying to establish: benevolent education at the secondary level.
6. A child raised only in positive parenting is not necessarily going to always be more fulfilled
We lend positive education many benefits for the child but we talk less about the limits. In particular the fact that a child who has never been confronted with conflict will surely find it more difficult to interact with others in life because ultimately we rarely spend our entire life without having trouble with someone who does not was not raised in a positive education for example.
7. It’s impossible to be 100% in positive parenting anyway.
At this stage, from the top you will have understood that even if the baby should not be thrown out with the bathwater and that there are many good things to be taken in benevolent education. Above all, it’s about accepting that you can’t be kind, kind, gentle and understanding all the time. Finally, we are human, we have ups and downs and that does not mean that we are puffed up parents. YAY.
8. SPOILER, the perfect families without shouting, without conflict, without frustration: it does not exist
So yes, everyone agrees that we don’t slap or spank children anymore, that we don’t call them stupid and that we don’t yell at them. And this is very good news. But unfortunately we are human and benevolence in all circumstances is a smoky fantasy, sorry to break it to you, but the good news is that you are certainly not as bad as the injunction to parenthood positive might lead you to believe so.
Finally, we just have to do the best and it won’t be so bad. The first step to happy, fulfilled children is happy, fulfilled parents, so trust yourself.
Source : Shock Meta, Slate, 20 minutes, yeah