What does your favorite director mean to you?
I’ll give you the rundown, and it’s very simple: each director has his own style, his little fads, his big obsessions. So when you have a favorite director, it says a lot about your personality. Very long. Long as a Peter Jackson trilogy with midgets running around. Come on, find your favorite director in this list and find out who you really are. Without wanting to give you orders, of course.
1. Wes Anderson
You’re super maniacal, the type that can’t stand that there’s a single thing wrong around you. You left your girlfriend the day you noticed she had scoliosis. If you were an object, you would be a double decimetre, but graduated on both sides to satisfy your need for symmetry.
2. David Fincher
You like to kill baby cats in your spare time, and you’re thinking of moving on to humans in the very near future. Without wanting to offend you, your place is in prison, or at least with a good shrink.
3. The Wachowski Sisters
You move exclusively by running on walls, you wear leather jackets, leather pants and leather girdles. You regularly try to stop bullets with your bare hands and it’s completely stupid.
4. Clint Eastwood
Every morning, you leave your house to hoist an American flag in the sky. Bravo, you are a good patriot. Too bad you’re a little racist though.
5. Denis Villeneuve
You love dust and sand so much that you spend your time rolling around in the desert. Problem: you have sand in the panties.
6. David Lynch
You do completely insane things, like wearing two left shoes, pissing in your sink or saying you love Nagui. So people think you’re weird, and they’re kind of right.
7. Christopher Nolan
You have major memory problems. Did you buy butter yesterday? Or was it a year ago? Or did you dream of it? Or is that what they’re trying to make you believe? You are lost.
8. Xavier Dolan
Work out your issues with your mom, and then you can come back and talk to us.
9. Tim Burton
You did an L baccalaureate, you have big problems with your self-confidence and you prefer to live at night so that your acne is less visible. We were like you too, but now we have to grow up, okay?
10. Pedro Almodóvar
You are a 40-year-old girl who dresses at Desigual. Having not yet given up on your dream of finding love, you sign up for Spanish cooking classes hoping to meet Miguel, the flamenco dancer of your dreams. Unfortunately, instead, you come across Michel, an accountant from Narbonne. It’s nice anyway.
11. Peter Jackson
Everything you do is taking way too long. Your showers last 3h40, blinking takes you 10 seconds, and you always miss cooking your pasta since you leave it in boiling water for about 2 days. Learn to make it a little shorter please, the world will be better off.
12. Guillaume Canet
You like vacations in Arcachon, barbecues with friends where everyone talks about themselves and rotten dramas like running out of battery on your phone. Your life is about as interesting as a wrapper of crisps blowing down a gutter. And even…
13. Quentin Tarantino
You are the dullest person in the universe. It’s simple, you like what everyone else likes. Your favorite football team is OM, you love raclette and you spend your holidays in the South. Damn, we’ve never seen anyone so boring.
14. Sergio Leone
You like wide open spaces, leather overcoats, manly men, and stealing all of Kurosawa’s ideas.
15. Michael Bay
BOUM SPLASH KABOOM PAN PAN TATATATATA PRRRRRRRRRR CLAC CLAC CLAC BOUUUUUUUM
You are deaf.
16. Woody Allen
You have very unhealthy relationships with some members of your family. Stopped.
17. Quentin Dupieux
You put the milk in the cereal box. who starts talking.
18. Kathryn Bigelow
Your life is made of stress and action. A guy is coming to fix your water heater? He’s a terrorist. A woman asks you for a fire in the street? She is about to assassinate the President of the United States. The bakery is out of pain au chocolat? She’s just out of pain au chocolat. Because yes, in reality, life is just boring.
19. Agnes Varda
You did an M2 in film school, thanks to this diploma you enter the ultra select team of the Varda fan club made up of only 3 people.
20. David Cronenberg
You like making love to your microwave, cutting off your arm to replace it with a mechanical arm and fusing your larynx with an exhaust pipe. You are fascinated by the dirt accumulated at the bottom of your sink and your totem animal is a blobfish. In fact, you’re a little filthy.
21. Jacques Demy
You sing of life.
22. Jean-Luc Godard
People find you boring. Smart, but boring. And they are not wrong.
23. Steven Spielberg
You’re a 30-something nostalgic for the days when we rented cassettes at the video club, when we had landlines and when we drank Tang. You miss your dinosaur figures and your Mega Drive. If not, do you plan to grow up one day?
24. Terence Malik
You are the most boring person in the world. Your favorite drink: Contrex. Your favorite food: Warm tofu. When they ask you what you want to do, you answer ” as you wish “. If boredom had a face, it would yawn in front of you.
25. Jane Campion
You love someone. He loves you too. But you don’t admit your feelings to each other. You are a bit of a jerk.
26. M. Night Shyamalan
You are someone. No, actually you were someone else. Like what in life, we are never sure of anything.
27. Martin Scorcese
You’re a little striker who will join the mafia and gradually climb the ladder until you become its godfather, before being bumped into in a dark alley. Change lanes while there’s still time.
